Soon after, I went abroad for treatment.
Each day was the same routine: hypnosis sessions, medication, endless therapy. But even oceans away, Yu Sen’s cries haunted my midnight visions. His helpless sobs carved into my skull, leaving my doctors worried. "These fixations," they told me, "will hinder recovery. Do not dwell on him."
But his shadow clung. On foreign sidewalks, every figure out of the corner of my eye looked like him.
I knew logically he was fine his training, his acting classes, spending fortunes to reinvent himself, landing roles in dramas that would someday sweep the charts. He was thriving. He did not need me.
So what right had I to keep seeing him everywhere?
In a café restroom, dripping water shook me from my thought. I realized I had been washing my hands for minutes. Turning off the tap, his voice detonated in my skull again:
"How do I explain that I did not mean it? That running into her here was not on purpose? But it is.....the women’s restroom... how do I make that sound innocent?"
"Should I say, if she does not mind, I could settle for being third place? Xu Yunting takes Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I will take Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday."
"If Xu refuses fine. I will take weekends. Anything."
I stepped out, and there he stood.
Yu Sen, loitering nervously outside the women’s restroom, surrounded by curious foreign girls. They were not shy, boldly touching his chest and his arms, squealing at his model features.
His English was mortifying. "Hug I Yu Sen...I love you very much"
The women giggled, wrapping him in embraces, snapping selfies, slipping hands brazenly over his painstakingly carved abs.
On his face, a strained smile. But inside
"Wife... Xing What is she saying? I do not understand."
"Why are these women touching me?"
"I am scared Wife... They are groping me, I am brittle Save me...."
"Not there.... Anywhere but there."
Disguising myself with a surgical mask, I shoved through the mob. In English, I tossed off a few crisp phrases, apologizing and explaining. The girls laughed but dispersed.
I gripped Yu Sen’s hand and yanked him down the street at a run, boots slapping pavement until we turned into a quiet alley.
We collapsed against a wall, panting.
I yanked off my mask, fixing him with a glare. "Didn’t you study English at the senior learning center? You used to strut around the house shouting random vocabulary to show off. What happened tonight? Can’t even form a sentence?"
He drooped, head bowed, like a scolded dog caught chewing the furniture.
Yu Sen slouched against the wall, his expensive coat wrinkled from being dragged through a foreign alley. His head drooped in shame, as though the night’s chaos had sapped even his bravado.
I crossed my arms, tapping my toe against the pavement. "So. That’s your flawless overseas English? One broken ‘I love you very much’?"
His head jerked up, eyes wounded, lower lip jutting out like a chastised child. "They said hug. I thought international fan service, right? But then they touched my stomach, my chest... I panicked."
I rolled my eyes. "You have been showing off those abs every time you walk past a mirror. Isn’t this what you wanted?"
He sputtered, indignant, "No.... Not from strangers. Only you can touch me there."
I froze for a moment, heat crawling across my cheeks at his blunt delivery. He caught my reaction immediately, his grin widening with mischief.
"See... You’re blushing. Still love me."
I stepped back, exasperated, forcing my voice sharp. "Yu Sen, I came here to heal. Not to babysit you. Stop barging into my life, clinging like a drunk octopus. This is not..."
But the argument collapsed as soon as I heard his thoughts seep through once more:
"If she pushes me away again, I’ll break. I can’t breathe without her."
"I’ll do anything. Sit in the doghouse, kneel every night, carry her bags just do not let her leave."
"Why can’t she see I have already changed?"
The sound of his despair cracked something inside me. I clenched my fists, trying to shut it out.
"Go home, Yu Sen," I muttered, turning away.
But in a heartbeat, his arms encircled me from behind, trembling and tight. His voice was rough with pleading:
"Xing, even if it takes another fifty years, I’ll make you believe me again."
The following days blurred together with my treatment abroad: early morning hypnosis, afternoon therapy, evening medications that left me drained.
And yet, again and again, Yu Sen appeared outside clinics, lurking beneath trees or pacing by hospital doors. Sometimes disguised in thick scarves and sunglasses, other times obvious, mouthing ‘fight on’ like a delinquent schoolboy.
My doctor noticed the stress lines deepening across my forehead. "Yan Xing," he warned gently, "if you can’t detach from this man emotionally, your recovery will be twice as difficult. You have to decide: are you here to heal for yourself or to heal for him?"
The words landed like stones.
Because the truth was every time I saw Yu Sen stubbornly waiting outside, snow clinging to his lashes, something ugly twisted in me. Resentment, regret, longing blurred into one.
One night, after a long session, I stumbled into a quiet café, exhausted. A newspaper lay crumpled on the counter, plastered with headlines:
Hot Rising Star Yu Sen Announced as Lead in Fantasy Drama, Studio Invests Record Budget
The article boasted of his training, his rebranding, his undeniable charisma even critics could not dismiss. He was thriving. On screen, he glowed.
I pressed the paper flat, staring at his photo.
Why, then, did he still chase after me, crying like the same foolish boy I had married once?
Why could I not stop hearing his voice through my mind?
The answer came one stormy winter afternoon, when I exited treatment only to find him waiting near the sidewalk.
This time, though, the sight was different.
His coat was soaked from the rain, his umbrella destroyed by the wind. Dark circles bruised beneath his eyes. He looked nothing like the radiant idol in the newspapers.
When he noticed me, he jolted upright, forcing his lips into a crooked smile. "Hey, I was just passing through."
But his thoughts betrayed him:
"If she tells me to leave, I’ll leave. Just one smile from her before I go, please, God."
"Why am I like this? Why can’t I stop?"
"Let her choose anyone else, even Xu Yunting. I would still find a way to stand nearby."
For the first time, I had no words.
I simply walked past him, heart leaden, his silent voice echoing long after he disappeared behind me.
Chapter 04
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