33
Eric’s friends were teasing him again.
He shooed them away, then walked me back to the private room.
He seemed to be in a good mood. “I put S University as my top choice. What about you?”
My phone was buzzing. I replied as I pulled it out to check,
“Yeah, me too. I put S University as well.”
I didn’t notice a drunken middle-aged man stumbling toward me. Whether it was on purpose or not, he staggered right into my path.
Eric reacted quickly, putting his arm around my shoulders and turning me to the side.
The man muttered angrily as he walked away.
Just then, I finally saw what was on my phone.
I gasped.
Eric asked, “What’s wrong?”
I was about to lose it.
The class group chat was blowing up.
They were actually talking about—
“Did you hear?! Last month, Ryan Lee from the next class was hospitalized for hemorrhoid surgery!”
“No way! Even a guy that handsome can get hemorrhoids?! My illusions are shattered.”
“I don’t believe it! It must be a rumor!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t believe or spread rumors.”
I stood there, frozen.
Of all the luck.
At the end of the hallway, I heard a familiar male voice.
“Lily Wang.”
I turned stiffly to look, and Eric’s hand was still protectively on my shoulder.
On the other end, Ryan Lee was leaning against the wall, his eyes dark and complicated.
34
We ended up in the stairwell.
Sophie dragged Eric away, and one look at her guilty face told me she was definitely the one who spread the rumor.
Ryan stood silently in front of me, blocking any chance of escape.
I snuck a glance at him.
He didn’t look happy.
Better to play it safe and apologize first.
“Uh, Ryan Lee, I’m sorry.”
I gave him a formal bow. “About the hemorrhoid thing—it really wasn’t me who spread it.
“If your reputation was hurt, that’s my fault. Maybe it was when I was chatting with my friends…”
“Lily Wang.” He stepped forward, and I was forced to back up until I was pinned against the wall.
“Why was he holding you?”
“Uh?”
Why was he asking that kind of question?
Wasn’t Ryan Lee supposed to avoid talking about feelings?
Why was he acting all jealous and confrontational? Was he drunk again?
He was so close, his breath was hot against my face.
35
His breath was burning hot.
I turned my head to avoid it.
After all, I’d just become an adult, and I’d never even held hands with a boy before.
I’d never been in a situation like this.
But Ryan wouldn’t let me go. He reached up and cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him.
This guy!!
Was he really going to risk everything like this?
What if that crazy girl overheard?
I had to snap him back to his senses, so I grabbed his arm and started making things up:
“Oh, Eric is my boyfriend. We agreed to apply to S University together.
“Really.”
I couldn’t think of anything else, so to make it believable, I added,
“Eric is super nice to me, always picking me up and walking me to school.
“No girl could say no to that, right?”
When I finished, I saw a flash of hurt in Ryan’s eyes.
He breathed slowly, looking down in thought.
Then he looked up at me again.
“Are you scared?”
Ryan’s voice was softer. “Don’t be. I took cold medicine today—she can’t read my mind.”
You can’t just take medicine like that!
This can’t go on.
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m scared. I just want a normal relationship.”
Ryan’s face was half-hidden in the dark. He forced a smile.
“A normal relationship? Sure, I’ll give that to you.”
He was smiling, but I saw a desperate determination in his eyes.
I remembered what he’d said about dying with Kana.
Nervous, I grabbed his arm.
“No, Ryan.”
I bit my lip and said harshly, “I like Eric. I’m sorry.”
After a long silence, Ryan’s expression turned into a half-smile. He finally let go of me and stepped back. “Oh.
“Well then, I wish you two happiness.”
36
The moment Ryan Lee turned away,
I felt a sharp pain in my chest, as if something was being torn apart.
And then the tears came—falling, and falling, and falling.
So what if we made a promise?
Honestly, I didn’t even know if I should keep that promise with Ryan.
Yes, I was scared.
There was a crazy girl lurking around him, someone who could attack innocent people at any moment.
I didn’t want to fall in love with him only to be killed by a psycho jumping out of nowhere.
I love my life, my whole existence.
Until I figure out how to handle this, there’s no way I can be with Ryan.
Call me selfish or cold if you want.
I don’t care.
But this pain, right now, is all too real and overwhelming.
I wanted to call out to him as he turned away.
But reason held me back, and I stayed silent.
At the beginning of September, I got into S University, just as I’d hoped.
Eric Chen and Sophie Chen came with me.
Sophie studied art.
Ryan got in too—he chose law, while Eric and I both went into clinical medicine.
To outsiders, Eric and I looked like a couple who went from high school to college together.
My roommates even envied us.
37
I talked to Eric about it, told him there was someone I liked.
He didn’t ask for details, just said he could wait.
Not long after freshman year started,
I heard from our high school group chat that Ryan Lee was dating the campus beauty, Ivy Qin.
Sophie video called me to gossip: “Wow, I can’t believe the school’s top guy was finally won over by Ivy Qin.
“Ugh, I’m so jealous. Honestly, when I heard about that fight, I wondered if he liked her, and now it’s confirmed.
“A bunch of our old classmates are already dating. When will it be my turn?”
“Tomorrow,” I replied absentmindedly.
Sophie squealed, “You jerk! How did you know I have a date tomorrow?!”
Me: “???”
Sophie grinned, excitement all over her face. “Don’t you remember? Tomorrow’s the freshman welcome dance!”
I was confused. “But our department isn’t participating.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re so well-behaved! Just sneak in with me, no one will care.”
But my mind was still on Ryan Lee.
I just hoped I wouldn’t run into him again.
Actually, I’d already seen Ryan on registration day.
I got lost looking for my advisor in the teaching building,
and bumped into someone in the bathroom.
How could he be here?
Ryan paused for a second, then tried to walk around me.
But I couldn’t help calling out, “Ryan, have you… been okay lately?”
38
He didn’t stop.
Just as I thought he was going to ignore me,
Ryan suddenly turned and strode over, looking a bit fierce.
I instinctively took a step back.
He stopped about a meter away.
He sneered, “You’re so scared, but you still want to talk to me.
“Lily Wang, you’re as annoying as ever.”
My eyes burned, but I forced myself to hold back my sadness. “I just wanted to say hi…”
“No need,” he cut me off. “Next time we meet, pretend you don’t know me.
“My girlfriend wouldn’t like it.”
“Girlfriend.”
After he left, I tried saying those three words out loud.
Simple syllables, but I choked up, unable to get through them without crying.
I was the only one left standing there.
Ryan Lee—he really doesn’t plan on waiting for me anymore.