When I delivered it to Xu Ni, she was behind the counter, wearing her wig and my clothes.
Zhou Wei was beside her, lazily fiddling with the coffee machine. Every time he finished a step, he’d glance her way.
When Xu Ni nodded obediently, a satisfied smile curled at Zhou Wei’s lips.
I watched this scene for a long time before turning and leaving.
Zhou Wei caught up with me at the bus stop.
"Xu Si."
He was out of breath.
"I knew right away that wasn’t you."
"Xu Ni’s suicide is connected to your parents, isn’t it?"
Is this your brilliant plan? To replace her?
Xu Si, what exactly are you trying to do?
Zhou Wei. Just like in my past life, I smoothed his tousled hair. He stiffened, a surge of confusing emotions flashing in his eyes something I couldn't quite decipher.
Xu Si, don’t go overboard.
I chuckled softly. Afraid I’ll kill myself? Do you really think I’m the type to do that?
Zhou Wei shook his head.
You won’t.
Even if you wanted to, you’d drag someone down with you.
That’s pretty accurate he really does get me.
So, mind your own business when it comes to me. If you want to do something meaningful, just help Xu Ni patch up her gaps like you did today. Zhou Wei, you can’t be anyone’s savior. The only one who can save her is herself.
Back at home, Shen Fang had dinner ready. The usual: stewed beef, scrambled eggs, some greens, rice, and a glass of milk.
Ni Ni, drink your milk while it’s warm.
I picked up the glass and, right in front of Shen Fang, poured it all down the sink.
Xu Ni, what are you doing?
I won’t drink this milk anymore.
Why? Don’t you know this is for your nutrition? I’ve never had it myself but always made sure you got it. How can you just dump it?
Do you even know I’m lactose intolerant?
I’d asked Xu Ni this before. She was silent for a long moment, then nodded quietly. She knew.
Shen Fang’s face darkened.
What lactose intolerant nonsense? Why did I never hear that before?
Ni Ni, don’t listen to others trying to make money off you, selling health products.
Mom only wants what’s best for you. You’ve been drinking this for years with no problem. Mom couldn’t possibly hurt you.
I took a step back, disappointed.
I’ve worked so hard studying, never asked for much just wanted you to support me properly. Balanced diet, healthy meals that’s not too much to ask?
Forget it. I’m going to suggest Dad hire a nanny for me.
Shen Fang looked stunned, unable to believe her ears.
I work so hard for this family who are you to ask for a nanny? You want a nanny? Xu Ni, have you no conscience?
I looked puzzled.
But you haven’t done a good job. It’s allowed to say someone isn’t doing well. Mom, if you make mistakes, admit them. Only by realizing your errors can you improve.
Shen Fang lost it. As she raised her hand to slap me, I tripped her.
Looking down at her from above, expression cold and indifferent, I said, Mom, you’re acting like a shrew.
At three in the morning, my alarm jolted me awake. I grabbed a kitchen knife and quietly slipped into Shen Fang’s bedroom.
Her face was ashen with rage; she hadn’t left the room since, not even for dinner.
As I approached her bed, the knife nudged against the cabinet with a dull sound, echoing sharply in the quiet night.
She stirred and blinked awake, locking eyes with me.
Then came the piercing scream broken, terrified.
Mom, don’t be afraid. It’s me.
Xu Ni? What are you doing? Why are you standing here with a knife?
Shen Fang curled up against the wall, hugging her blanket. Her voice cracked.
I sighed and sat beside her.
Mom, do you always use this knife to cook for me?
I twirled the knife in my hand.
It’s heavy must be tough chopping vegetables. Though you don’t cook well, you put in effort. Mom, as long as you don’t harm my studies or future, you’re still my beloved mom. Sleep now. I’ll watch over you.
Shen Fang nearly broke down, but she forced herself to stand and walked me back to my room.
But she didn’t realize this was just the beginning.
The next day, when she discovered I’d ordered takeout delivered from a restaurant downstairs, she exploded again.
In front of the waitstaff, she flung the entire meal to the floor, screaming as she smashed everything on the table.
I said nothing, expression cold and disgusted, simply watching her.
Her movements grew smaller, and hesitation flickered across her face not without shame.
I clicked my tongue and started to leave.
Where are you going?
Shen Fang grabbed my arm. I met her gaze calmly.
Mom, I have heavy coursework this afternoon. I need to refuel.
Fear often stems from a loss of control and power.
When I was little, I feared Shen Fang because I couldn’t fight back. One slap could send me flying. She could drag me around with ease or pin me down so I had no strength to struggle.
Later, I hated her—her unfairness, neglect, and disregard.
But I’m not afraid of her anymore.
I can dodge her slaps; if I can’t, I run.
Even when I grabbed her arm, she couldn’t break free anymore.
My sister grew up eating leftover food but stayed healthier and stronger than me. I was dressed in silk and satin but could barely walk two steps without gasping for air.
Teacher Bai was gentle and attentive. She noticed my rapid breathing and asked if I was feeling unwell, so I confided in her.
You don’t know, but I’m lactose intolerant. Mom still forces me to drink milk. To keep me slim, she never lets me eat my fill. My meals are always low oil, low salt, tasteless. Beef, eggs, and veggies that’s all I ever get to eat. Even when sick and on restricted diets, it never changes. No outdoor activities, because it’s a waste of time. My legs almost atrophied.
Teacher Bai looked heartbroken.
How could your mom do this? Good food isn’t about quality but what fits your body. Doesn’t she get that?
I looked gratefully at Teacher Bai.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the half-open door. Shen Fang must be coming because my music sheets were in her bag.
I sighed and spoke.
Teacher Bai, I wish you could be my mom. My mom should be like you gentle, knowledgeable, respectful. Tell me, how can an adult who can’t even control her emotions raise children?
Shen Fang appeared dazed.
Just then, upstairs, I saw Zhou Wei pacing outside the door, holding a box of pastries.
What are you doing here?
Xu Si doesn’t live here anymore. Don’t come back.
Zhou Wei scratched his head, a bit embarrassed.
Auntie, actually, I like Xu Ni. These are homemade pastries I want her to try.
Shen Fang was stunned, her eyes flickering between disappointment and a strange glimmer of joy.
Xu Ni, what’s going on? Did he say something to you? Do you know it’s the critical period before college entrance exams? How can you do this?
You really disappoint me.
I simply said, It’s him who likes me, not me liking him.
Why doesn’t he like anyone else but you? You really did nothing, huh?
If that’s what you think, I can’t help it.
Xu Ni, what’s your attitude?
Amid Shen Fang’s roar, I stormed into the kitchen, grabbed a kitchen knife, and flung it to the ground.
If you think he shouldn’t like me, go kill him yourself.
Shen Fang fell silent.
Zhou Wei swallowed nervously, subtly stepping away.
He was the one I called.
Zhou Wei could be annoying, but after everything, he probably realized showing up at Shen Fang’s only brought trouble to either me or Xu Ni.
So he tried to be careful but couldn’t stop hovering nearby.
I gave him a call.
Come when you want. Stay as much as you like.
To drive someone crazy, you can’t rely on just one trigger.
When every little thing around her makes Shen Fang snap she’s close to breaking.
That night, I appeared again at Shen Fang’s bedside, staring straight at her.
This time, I didn’t need to say a word before she shot up in under half a minute.
I took her hand gently, voice soft as a whisper:
Mom, it’s just you and me left in this house. You won’t leave me, right? You have to believe, no matter what happens, I love you. But it’d be better if you were stronger. My mom should be the strongest of all; otherwise, how could she be my mom, right? Alright, I’ll sleep with you like when we were little. I won’t leave you, and you won’t leave me ever.
Less than two days later, after I appeared at Shen Fang’s bedside two nights in a row, she locked her bedroom door.
No matter how I knocked or called, she refused to open it.
So I took the knife and chopped at the door.
The thick wooden door split open with a hole at the center.
I bent down and peeked inside.
Shen Fang stood rigid.
I smiled brightly.
Mom, why’d you lock the door? Now I can’t get in.
Ahhh.
Shen Fang screamed, waking everyone upstairs and downstairs.
Soon neighbors gathered.
What’s going on here?
Shen Fang flung the door open and charged outside, pointing at me loudly:
She’s gone crazy. She took a knife to my door. She’s insane. Get her.
I tilted my head, completely innocent.
It’s because Mom locked the door and I couldn’t get in. That’s my room. But you ruined the lock on my door and come in anytime you want. You love me this way, so of course, I’ll love you the same. Isn’t that right?
The next day, Shen Fang looked pale and avoided my gaze as someone changed the locks for me.
Sometimes, when reason won’t work, you have to use force.
Being cut by a knife doesn’t hurt, so I might as well cut her.
Chapter 06
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